May 25th, 2009 by Heidi

I’ve spent some time thinking today. I realize that the older I get, the more sentimental I grow. Today was no exception.

This is a day that the United States has set aside to remember our fallen soldiers and to celebrate our active soldiers – men and women that our entire nation has to thank for our freedoms. For many families it’s also a day to celebrate family with outings and picnics and fun. It’s also the kickoff to summer. [for those of us up here in the north, it's more like the official kickoff of spring, summer will happen tomorrow.]

Starting early this morning, Facebook was full of Happy Memorial Day wishes and those reminding us to remember what the day is all about. I took some time to think about the soldiers that I know that are active duty or active guard right now. People were commenting about their grandfathers and uncles and I had to stop and think a minute to remember if I had anyone in my family to celebrate Memorial Day for. Then I was really sad. I was sad for the not knowing which of my family members may have served in the military and then for actually having to take the time to remember that both of my parents served in the Navy.

Because I couldn’t remember, I had to ask my sister, “Did we ever celebrate our parents being in the service or did we just have family picnics?”  She never remembered anything beyond picnics and family time either. I know we didn’t talk about the war while we were growing up. And honestly, while we were kids, I don’t think that mattered to us. We waved our flags and we caught candy at the parade, we played with our cousins and ate watermelon until the sun went down.

I’m pretty sure my kids don’t even know that my parents served in the Navy. I don’t know that I’ve ever talked about it with them. It wasn’t something that was talked about with me, I just know that they were, so how can I talk about it with my kids?

And I can sort of understand why my parents didn’t want to talk about the service or the war. I know it was not a great time in their lives and maybe they didn’t feel so proud to be representing our country. But they did. They fought for us. They cared for the wounded. They served our country. And yet we never celebrated that. And I feel sad.

I almost emailed both of them today, wanting to avoid putting them on the spot with a phone call, and asked why we never acknowledged their time in the service. But I didn’t. I will save that for another day. Instead, I thought about the joy we used to have on this day and I took a drive with Hannah down to the cemetery where I knew the flags would be flying and families would be visiting their loved ones. I teared up several times. I’m so thankful to have not lost my parents and Hannah and I talked about how fortunate we feel to not have loved ones to visit in a cemetery. I have lost grandparents and an uncle, none of which are buried locally. We looked at all the flags and flower pieces. We admired headstones from the 1800’s. And I took this picture as we entered the cemetery.

I have some more thinking to do about this. My family is dear to me and I want them to celebrate and be proud. I want to wish them a Happy Memorial day and have it have meaning from both me and my kids.

May 10th, 2009 by Heidi

And for the second year in a row, my sons are not with me. It seems their other parent doesn’t respect the importance of the day for them or for me and has bribed them away on a weekend trip out of town. I was trying to be ok with this only because I have no desire to try to argue with him but because I have the boys with me much more than he has them with him and I have far more Mother’s Days than one  materialized by Hallmark. But then I woke up this morning and was reading my Facebook page and seeing how everyone else is spending their day is really depressing. I’m trying not to feel angry or bitter about my own situation and to be happy that I get to spend the day with Hannah and some with my own mom too. But I’m sad for my sons who are learning inadvertantly to think that this day isn’t important or that if they do think it is, their dad isn’t letting them spend the day with me.

Though before they left on Friday, the boys gave me gifts made in school. Dillan made several art pictures and gave me a painted pot full of violets. Connor gave me some special notes in a neat envelope book. And yesterday, after returning from her class trip to Minneapolis, Hannah surprised me with a cute card and a polar bear magnet from the gift shop at the zoo. She saved some of her eating money and took time to find me a little something all on her own. This warms my heart so much.

I love being a mom.  Well, most days anyway. There are those days that all chaos is taking over and I wonder what the heck I got myself into but those days are totally overshadowed by the fun and the joy and laughter we have. I love seeing who my kids are becoming – watching them strive and succeed and develop their own uniquensses. (is that a word? I hope it is. If not, it is now) I never imagined parenting would be so tiring and challenging. I never thought that doing so much for other people could be so exhausting and rewarding at the same time. But looking into all of their bright blue eyes and hearing them laugh and sharing their excitement puts me in a really happy place.

And I’m thankful to have my own mom just down the road from us. I’m glad she gets to share in the joy of my kids growing up and for being special in their lives. Tonight I’ll cook her some dinner.

And the sun is shining and the sky is blue and the air is fresh and I have my kiddos close to my heart even though they aren’t all here right now. I think we’ll have to do something special when they return.

May 10th, 2009 by Heidi

I’m certainly not doing a good job of using my blog the way I wanted and intended. I can’t believe it’s already been a month and a half since I last updated. I need to make a much better effort here. People still visit every day and I’m thankful for that, though you have to be crazy dedicated to keep coming back with no new info being posted.

Random: Green Day is playing on VH1 right now and I’m reminded that I just think they are really super awesome. I’m excited fro the new album to be released in just a few days.

Just for updating sake, I’ll make a bullet list of anything I can think of with any relevance about what’s been going on around here since I last updated.

• We survived the flood – no water in our house and Fargo was not overtaken by the Red.
• It’s spring – finally! Buds are popping out on the trees and the grass in green and I see flowers. I’m so happy.
• Hannah is running track – hurdles even – and really enjoys it.
• Connor and Dillan are back to playing soccer and having a blast.
• Photography has been slow for me all winter but is picking up and I’m so excited about that!
• I’m in the process of bulding an office in the house. My kitchen table needs to return to just a table.
• The kids are almost done with school for the year, wow that went fast!
• Dillan turned 6. What a bad mom I am for neglecting a blog post just for his day. Insert guilt here.
• I didn’t blog about my dad’s birthday visit. More guilt.
• James has been home pretty frequently which I love.
• The Zoo is as cute as ever and despite leaving behind 10 tons of hair daily, they are such a joy around here.

Wow, I thought the list would be longer – maybe life isn’t so exciting around here. Sadly, there are a lot of little things that I wish I would have taken the time to write about. Someone please kick me and make me update at least once a week but preferably much more.